Today I stumbled across this article “Navigating Love and Autism” in the New York Times by Amy Harmon.
The article circles around Jack Robinson and Kirsten Lindsmith, two people with autism and the effects of it on their relationship. These two people are in the autism spectrum, having Asperger’s syndrome. For the uninitiated, Asperger patients often dwell tunnel vision like, cannot see the big picture of a lot of things, miss obvious social cues and sees the world somewhat differently.
Reading about them makes me realize that sometimes it is not that easy for some people to be in relationships. Especially when you don’t know yourself enough to make it easier for your partner. The article talks a lot about the challenges they face in their relationship, one of them was about how Kirsten can only stand deep pressured touches and Jack will only tolerate light touches. Things like this can be tough when intimacy is one part of the relationship as well.
We often take it for granted that the person we share our beds with might be the wrong one just because he doesn’t like cereals in the morning or because she doesn’t like your best friend. There are so many out there who have real problems connecting and yet they brace through it.
Many times in a year I hear friends telling me that they are so close to breaking up with the other half because of a long list of excuses and reasons. When I ask the question “have you talked to him/her about it?”, I often get the shrug and the response “there is nothing to talk about”. This is really sad. Often their reasoning of breaking up is just to get out of the relationship with a person who has all the flaws in the world, but in reality, sometimes they have a valid reason such as the introduction of someone new in their lives.
I am often angered when I hear situations as such. It would be more respectful if you exit a relationship with a clean slate. If you have met someone else and want to work it with the third party, come clean. If you can’t put a finger where it is all wrong, be honest about it.
I for one have walked out of relationships without knowing why, but I do know that I walked out of it telling my other half that I honestly do not know why. It is a pity when one plays the other party and everyone gets hurt at the very end.
We should all take a leaf out of Jack and Kirsten’s book when it comes to being persistent at making something work. Even if it doesn’t succeed, at least you can proudly tell yourself that you have tried your very best, and that’s what that counts.
