Happy Birthday, Goay!
Ever since your passing, birthdays have become less and less of a day to remember, but yours stuck with me. Maybe it’s because of that time in Singapore when I wanted to tell the MC at the basketball game that it was your birthday and you stopped me in my tracks with the deadliest stare you could muster. I knew better than to face your wrath then. =)
Exactly a year ago, the rest in KL surprised you with a cake in your house. We talked about how it might be your last birthday, trying to accept the situation bit by bit. It made no difference though, it still hurt massively to see you in pain, it hurt when you went and it still hurts now.
I supposed subsequent birthdays became unbearably hard when I heard of your predicament on the night of Anne’s birthday dinner. You could say it scarred me, but I could not look at birthdays the same way again. There were just more important things besides celebrating birthdays at that point in time. I sat down and thought about it, and a wave of enlightenment came over me; we should celebrate life, not just a day every year.
Ever since I turned a non-believer, I have ceased to believe in the existence of a paradise, a better place to be in, but I can’t bear to picture you completely gone. I think I understand the need to believe in an after world. I want you to be comfortable, to be happy where you are and without the belief in an after world, that doesn’t seem possible.
I miss you, Goay. I miss you a lot.
